one foot in front of the other

The last time I posted an update about Christian was back in November.  The staff at the behavioral health hospital he was in had begun talking to us about discharging him before the end of the year.  I had a lot of mixed emotions about it.  When you have a child that is capable of what we've seen from Christian, you can't just get a sitter like you can for most kids.  I was so overwhelmed by the possibility of him being home before I had the baby and not knowing where he and Audrey would be while we were in the hospital.  Add to that, I didn't feel like he was ready to come home.  I shared my concerns with his therapist, and she assured me that he was doing very well.  She told us to just continue reinforcing all the coping skills he had learned and make sure he was attending his therapy appointments once he was back home.
He was discharged December 19th and the first rumblings came Christmas Day.  He wasn't ready and I knew it.  A lot of kids throw temper tantrums when they are toddlers, but generally as they get older those behaviors wane and with Christian we are continuing to see just the opposite.  When he doesn't get what he wants; when things don't go his way, he throws a fit.  Only since he's not a toddler and has some serious rage, that fit doesn't just mean crying or laying in the floor- it means he also hits and kicks, spits and tries to bite -just to name a few.  And now he's added in trying to get at both his sisters during these episodes.  
We had him home for 30 days before he was admitted for a short stay in a crisis unit. A couple of weeks later he had another. All total it was 60 days before he was approved to return to the hospital where he spent most of last year. 

Once he was settled back in there and we started talking about how to move forward, it was very clear pretty quickly that we needed to change paths.  A little over a month ago we moved Christian to a new facility.  So far, things are going very well there.  When I say that, I don't mean that he is all of a sudden getting better.  What I mean is that the staff there seems to have a much better grip on what is and is not acceptable behavior.  They are seeing what we've seen and are working with us and with Christian to try to move in the right direction, rather than glossing over his aggression...or pretending like taking deep breaths will make it all better.
This is still the most difficult thing we've ever done.  There are days when I try to remind God that this isn't what I signed up for.  Days when I feel like it's too much, I'm too tired, and I can't do this.  In those moments I'm not at my best, but God knows the condition of my heart.  He knows that even when I'm complaining or crying or yelling, for that matter, that I still know His word is true.  
He loves us.
He has plans for us...plans that are for our good and His glory.
For now we just keep putting one foot in front of the other.  

Today our boys turns 8.  
We continue to ask for your prayers for his health and healing, and prayers for wisdom for us know know how to best take care of all three of our babies.

Last year after I made all this public, someone said to me that it was difficult to believe there was anything wrong when our pictures all looked so happy.  Just know that we take pictures when things are going well.  We appreciate those pictures so that we have happy memories to look back on when things are not going so well.
Two weeks ago when we went for family therapy, Christian didn't want to discuss anything difficult.  He turned over the furniture and threatened to punch me in the face.  
Yesterday we had a really good visit.  We shared some cupcakes and loved on each other.  
Those are the days we take the pictures.

"For I am about to do something new.
    See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
    I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."Isaiah 43:19

Willingness

Last weekend we had our first two-night pass since Christian has been able to make home visits.  Maybe it's because it was Halloween, and maybe not...but it was hard.  We picked him up after he finished school on Friday, and from that time until he went to bed Saturday night being a parent was a lot of work.  Sometimes parenting is easy and you just get to bask in the loveliness.  Other times not so much.  There were no breakdowns and no fits, but there was an awful lot of resistance.  Thankfully, Sunday was better.
I relayed all that to his therapist and she spoke with him about it in their regular session.  When we had family therapy we discussed it a bit more, and incorporated what he's learned about willingness and radical acceptance into the conversation.  Christian was able to admit to what had happened without falling apart or blaming anyone else, and let me tell you that is a big deal all by itself.

We picked him up yesterday afternoon for another overnight pass and this is one of those where you get to just love and appreciate each moment.  We decided to stop at Dunkin Donuts on the way home yesterday afternoon (I can't seem to get enough donuts at the moment) and for the most part we had the place to ourselves.  After we'd been there about 20 minutes, the only other patron in the store laughed at something she overheard Audrey say.  We spoke to her for a minute or two and she said, "you have two very well-behaved children, and that's not something you see everyday."
My heart swelled with pride.  I know she doesn't know us or our journey, but I sure did appreciate what she said!
Last night after the kids were in bed Chris and I were talking more about these skills that our family is learning together:  willingness, radical acceptance, and coping ahead just to name a few.  We are choosing to look on the bright side and think about how much better we'll all be for making this a part of who we are now.
One step closer.

I'm so thankful for them.

FIVE!!

My girl is FIVE!  I can hardly believe it.  This sweet thing is such a light in our family and makes me laugh all the time.  In her element she is playful and silly.  In unfamiliar places she still hides behind me in a way that makes her seem painfully shy to those that don't know her.  She loves to help in the kitchen.  Everything is a song for her.  I pray she carries this lighthearted joy with her always.

Happy 5th Birthday Audrey Kathryn!

October 2013 - September 2014

She's been asking for two weeks if she could have little debbies for her birthday breakfast.  How could I refuse?

house rules

When I was a kid we never had a set of house rules, so it wasn't something I really thought about in terms of setting up a home with my own husband and children.  There were plenty of things I knew I didn't want; behaviors that I was certain I wouldn't tolerate from my children.  Some of those things have changed and others have stayed firmly in place.  As our kids get a little older, the way we communicate and discipline them evolves.  There are a lot more conversations happening now at our house about choices.  About how we all- young and old- are responsible for making choices all the time.  And those choices along with their effects say a lot about who we are.   What I've noticed in the last few months is that I keep using the same words when I'm discussing behavior issues with  my kids.  Somehow those same words being used over and over have evolved into their own set of house rules.

Be kind.
Be helpful.
Be obedient.
Be respectful.


The best way I know to get this inside the brains of my little people is to show them.  Lead by example. Our words and our actions define our character.  Just telling them isn't enough.  I want them to see me doing things like being kind to my neighbors or the cashier at the grocery store, being helpful to my sister or my friends, being obedient and respectful to my husband or any figure of authority.  I don't think it had really occurred to them that these were qualities that adults should possess too.  I talked to Christian one night last week about these "rules" and how this is the kind of person I want to be too.  Instead of just barking things like, "don't say that" or "seriously?" I'm trying to remember to ask if they think they're being kind when either of them says something they shouldn't.  Last night Christian was in the shower and should've long since been done.  When I went in to ask him what the hold up was, I asked if he was being obedient.  He said, "no ma'am...you want me to show integrity?"  Yes!   Yes, I do.  Child-rearing is a tough job.  Even if you're those people whose kids don't misbehave (since apparently there are some of those out there), it's still important to be infusing these little people with the kind of character traits you want them to emulate and make their own.
I mess up and they will too, but we are life-long learners.
We're in this together.  We'll figure it out together.  

Dora matching cards with Daddy

Back to the sight word cards

When she saw this picture she couldn't figure out how I had gotten her face in that mirror. :)

Nightly reading for the reading log doesn't always fit well into our schedule, but I know what a difference it makes!

6?

How my boy is already 6 I just don't know!  

This has been a big year for Christian.

He started kindergarten, lost his first tooth (plus three more), got saved and baptized, and has now arrived at 6 sporting his very own mohawk.  

It's been a good year for him!

We are thankful everyday for our babies, but today is one of those where we remember just what this little guy means to us.  He made us parents.  God grew him inside someone else and I believe wholeheartedly that while he was being put together in that womb, he was being shaped and molded to be ours.

June 2012- May 2013

Happy 6th birthday to our handsome boy!

Some Friday Sunshine

The older I get, the more I feel like I know who I am...who I was put in this place to be.  Not so many years ago I remember the sour-faced girl I used to be.  Angry about something mostly all the time.  What's changed?  Now I'm so much older and wiser (said with my hoity toity face on)?  No.  But the older I get, the clearer it becomes to me that grace is a gift and happiness is a choice.  All the nice things about my life are gifts.  My husband that loves the Lord and me and our kids?  Gift.  My kids that are pretty amazing, if you ask me? Gifts.  The difficult times that we've had trying to figure out real life? Gifts.  Sometimes those gifts feel like those weird sweaters you get from some estranged family member at Christmas, but gifts nonetheless.  
Whether or not everything is going how I planned it at the moment or not, I can choose to take this one priceless life I have and enjoy it.  Happiness is a choice.  I get to make that choice.  And in doing that, I get to show the people around me (namely my kids) how to make that choice too.
A few weeks ago I had a run-in, shall we say, with a girl with a really angry face and a terrible attitude.  I saw so much of myself from fifteen years ago in her.  When I came away from that exchange with her (and once I got past wondering what in the world she had to be so angry about) I realized how relieved I was to be in a different place in my life.  Glad I went through that though...otherwise I'm not sure I'd have the sense to realize how much better it can be.  
You can have everything you think you want and be really unhappy.  You can have almost nothing and be really happy. 
Choose to see the good.  
Decide that your glass is half-full.  
Sally Sunshine I am not, but I am happy and I am thankful.

Goins' On

The Leprechaun Trap

Part of Christian's homework last week was to make a Leprechaun trap.  Really a cute idea...and one I happily shoved off as a "Daddy project."  Chris said that when he walked him in last Friday morning there were a lot of traps that were more cutesy, but his is functional!  Boys are funny, no matter the age.

New Friends

I'm not really a super friendly person...knowing is the first step right!?  Chris generally makes a point to introduce himself to neighbors.  I, on the other hand, mostly make a point to stay away from neighbors.  We bought our house back in September and wonder of wonders, our family has struck up a friendship with our neighbors across the street!  We (adults and kids) are having such a great time hanging out!  I'm pretty sure I wasn't missing much in the other neighborhoods we've lived in, but I'm so happy I decided to go out on a limb this time.  And, hopefully no one moves for a very long time!

Date Night

Last Friday night and the Friday night before that we had date nights.  We don't do anywhere near as many of these as we'd like to, but life happens right?  It worked out that we had two in a row and it was lovely!  The first one was a double date with Andrea and Dusty.  Then last Friday Chris and I went out to celebrate our anniversary.  :)  Our anniversary was actually last month, but since we both had the flu we didn't acknowledge those dates at all really.  We'll take a month-late celebration of dinner and a movie.  We're not particular.  

What I'm Lovin' Right Now:

  Living so close to my sister.  The older we get, the more I value this relationship.  Running together, trading off childcare, singing, laughing, and then add in that our husbands like each other too?  Way more than I could ask for.

Growing food.  Chris built me some boxes and I'm trying to see if I can grow some strawberries.  I can't wait to see if this works...this is our first go round with strawberries.

My people.  They slay me.  They are gifts that I don't deserve.  They make me laugh.  They make me crazy.  I'm planning to use this cool and possibly rainy weekend to fill my tank with as much of them as I can.  

Happy weekend y'all!

This and That

It has just really been down and dirty at our house for a solid week.  Chris and I both had the flu...thankfully not at our worst at the same time.  The kids have been snotty so I took them to the doctor Monday.  He's got bronchitis.  She's got an ear infection.  Breathing treatments and antibiotics for both.  Sheesh. 
Seriously, it sounds like a nursing home here.

Sometime in the last ten days Audrey has begun to actually pronounce Christian properly...instead of the "Chrisshen" that it's been since she started talking.
And, little miss sassy pants has also begun to ask for showers instead of baths. 
She just gets more grown up all the time. 
Get me a tissue!

I finally started watching Downton Abbey.  I'm now addicted and cannot seem to stop watching it, reading about it, and watching interviews.  It's SO good.  I'm really glad that I finally gave it a go!  

I made brownies with my boy yesterday...and by that I mean that we opened the box and followed the directions. :)  I love it that they appreciate even the small things, as long as we are together.  Christian said several times how happy he was that we made brownies together.  Then again this morning he reminded me with a smile.   

I've attempted to keep these little busybodies busy since they're out of school this week.  They tend to stay out of trouble a lot better when they have different activities to do.  Not even necessarily extravagant things.  Just things we have here: puzzles, movies, games, coloring.  The key seems to be changing the activity before too much time has passed, and moving them from one place in the house to another.  Whatever works, right?!


Looking forward to warmer temperatures.  Or maybe a good dusting of snow.  You never know around these parts.

Happy Wednesday.




Butterflies

 

Math Practice

super tardy gotcha day follow up

So...I've been a big, fat slacker on the blog here of late.
Here are some pictures from Gotcha Day... and some others from a little more recently.

Undoubtedly, this child was singing.  She sings all.the.time.

What a goon!

****

They got these sticker face-making books for Christmas from Mom and Lloyd, and I laugh every time they play with them!  The face is already there, but then they have to choose things to go on each one to actually make the face.  Christian's guy has no nose and Audrey's girl has about a mile between her eyes and nose.  Love this gift!

Currently...

Currently I'm...


...loving... that Christian wants to learn!  Even over the Christmas break he wanted to do school work.  That feeling you get as a teacher when you can see the light bulb come on in a kid's brain is even better when it's your own kid!  He's so proud of himself (and of course, so are we) that now he can read to us!  I love to read, so seeing him enjoy it is pretty awesome.

...watching... Elementary and Sherlock.  Same idea.  One's on CBS.  One's on BBC.  Both are really great!  If you're into Sherlock Holmes, you should give them both a go.

...listening to... Grace Potter & The Nocturnals.  Andrea tried to get me to give this a listen several months ago.  Like, before we moved.  So maybe in August or September.  I'm seriously frustrated that I waited until last week to put it on my phone.  This album is fantastic!

...getting over... some kind of beginning-of-the-year funk that I was in for a few days.  Something about not being able to make things go like I think they should go.  In the end, that always ends up with me remembering that I'm not really in control of anything.  God has my path laid out just exactly like He knows it needs to be.  I'm who I am and where I am in this moment not because I took some random turns and made some random choices, but because God has plans for me and mine.  I'm glad to know that nothing (not even my but-why-isn't-this-going-my-way selfishness) can separate me from His love. 

Romans 8:39-39

Mostly, Audrey just opened all the packages while the rest of us used the chalk.

We've all enjoyed the break.  
If I'm being honest, at this point we've all enjoyed about as much of it as we can stand.  :)  Today both the kids asked when they would be going back to school.  We're all (mostly me) ready to get back to our routines.

Happy Monday.