Thursday, November 7, 2013

Tricky, Wonderful, and Scary

Parenting can be tricky and wonderful and scary all at once.
Being an adoptive parent brings with it some different stuff.
Being the parent of an adopted child and a biological child makes this even more true.

We have been very out front and open with Christian about the fact that he's adopted.  We want him to know this is part of who he is; not something to be ashamed of, but proud of!  We have always let him drive the conversations about what this means for him, and that means never knowing when and how those conversations will come about.  
Last night at bedtime I kissed my boy and told him I'm glad I'm his mama.  He grinned all over himself and told me he was happy that God gave him to us so that we could all be a family together.  I don't remember quite how it transitioned, but he asked about "that lady we don't know that had me in her belly."  I told him her name and that she is his birth mother.  From previous conversations, he knows that she didn't take care of herself and couldn't take care of him but as he gets older this line of questioning gets a little more in depth.  I told him that he was taken from her when he was very small and that the lady he lived with until he came home to us took very good care of him.  We used terms like foster parent, the state, and DFCS.  This is new territory and my legs felt just a little bit shaky.  I want to do this the right way.  I want to be open and honest and share things with him when the time is right.  Last night he asked where she is now, and when I told him we didn't know he just said, "well... I hope she's ok."  {Insert overwhelmed Mama here.}  Not overwhelmed because he wants to know where he came from, but overwhelmed at the heart Jesus gave my little curly-haired boy.  
It's no coincidence that he's ours.  On days when I'm not sure how to do what I was put here to do, when my patience is thin and my voice is too loud, when I forget that sitting down to play pop beads or tea party is more important than the dishes being put away, I try to remember that I was made to be their Mama.  I try to fill myself up with the only thing that makes what spills out of me worth anything.  
Psalm 9:10 says, "And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you."  
That's me.  I'm seeking, and that means I won't be forsaken.  That's truth.  

When our conversation was over and Christian was in bed, Audrey looked up at me to ask, "who is my state mother?"  Oh my.  She took some bits and pieces that she heard and put it together to be a part of the conversation.  We won't exclude her from all this either.  It's part of all of us.
I know these conversations will keep happening for our family.  I know that sometimes they will be quick and easy, and I'm guessing that at some point they may be more difficult than we expect. We will just keep taking it day by day and be so completely thankful for all that we've been given.

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