Friday, September 7, 2012

change and confession

Change is good.
No, really.
If you're one of those people who hates change, then you're probably on edge a lot.  Life happens in seasons.  Some of those seasons are amazing, others feel hardly bearable, and still others just seem somewhere in the middle.

Change is one of those inevitable things that comes with life.  I figure the best thing to do is just embrace it.  Some change feels good, some you just know is good for you, and other times you can't imagine why circumstances would need to change. 

Right now my season feels not quite settled.  If feels hectic.  I feel a little out of my depth.  My days have a different rhythm than I'm used to.

I'm convinced that change is good for me.  
I know this because four years ago I was sure I would never be a stay-at-home mom.  
I know this because Chris and I keep learning how to make our marriage even better!  
These are not things that happen overnight.  
Things where it's not just the flip of a switch.  
Things where it takes some time.

So, I'm making an effort not to totally freak out in a season where things feel a little freak-out-ish to me.  

Yesterday was a really weird day.  It started with finding an epic checkbook mistake...those are always something.  After I got both kids to school I decided for the first time in a while to go for a run, during which I was chased (okay maybe closely-followed is more accurate) by a dog!  I made it a whopping 0.6 miles and retreated to the safety of my garage where I found a bird flying around trying desperately to get out!  I'm not so much an animal person, so both of these encounters scared the crap out of me. 
All this was before 10am.
Deep breaths.  Prayers.  Nice music.

I'd like to say that after a few minutes of taking deep breaths, praying, and listening to some good music that I was all better.  If I said that I'd be a big, fat liar.  I had to apologize to Chris more than once yesterday.  Like a "I'm sorry I'm not being awesome but I don't know what to do about it" kind of thing.  I pride myself on being in control- not of everything or everyone, but for sure of myself!  I feel a little out-of-control and I don't like it.  I like to be calm and reasonable while everyone else is having a crisis.  

I'd also like to say that after getting some sleep last night that I feel refreshed and recharged for the day ahead.  Only that would be another lie.  So today'll be a fake-it-till-you-make-it kinda day. 

Dad says to take things one day at a time.  So, today I won't worry about boxes or packing.  I won't let my brain be overworked at the prospect of closing costs and moving day childcare.  Today, I'll start with an extra cup of coffee.  Today I'll make a conscious effort to remember some wise words I was reminded of by my friend Nicole a couple of weeks ago:  Love Is Patient.  That means that I'll try not to snap at those around me (since yesterday I thought if either of my children said "Mama" one more time I might seriously lose my grip on reality).  Today I'll choose to remember that I am blessed beyond measure. Today I'll bank on the fact that all things work together for the good of those who love God (if you're looking, you can find that in Romans 8:28).

And here are a few pictures of some of my blessings.

Happy weekend to you!

1 comment:

  1. Ugh, I need to go back and read that post's been rough over here the past couple days.
    Josie and Gabe are usually so good, but they have been at each other nonstop this week. I've gone to bed frazzled every night.

    Tomorrow is a new day and I'm determined to make it great.